Hard to be faithful
by Chiera
Summary: After Ichigo and Rukia broke up four years ago they both went on with their lives until they were forced to realize that they still love each other. But what can they do when they both are in a relationship already? IchiRuki, IchiHime, RukiRen. AU


**Summary: **After Ichigo and Rukia broke up four years ago they both went on with their lives until they were forced to realize that they still love each other. But what can they do when they both are in a relationship already? **IchiRuki**, IchiHime, RukiRen. AU, Oneshot

**Chie: **The same basic setting as in my fic "Unfaithful to your heart". Also inspired by the song "Lips of an angel" by Hinder. I made an AMV to that song last night and I decided to write a little one-shot in an attempt to clear the plotline of the said AMV. Since links don't work here, I'll paste you the link as a review reply. So if you're interested in checking out the AMV just leave a note. Or PM me. Or whatever :D

And yes, this is kind of a song-fic. Oo

Oh, and Renji's using some nasty words. Just to warn those who're tender to such.

**Hard to be faithful**

Ichigo's phone started to ring. Annoyed to be interrupted in the middle of a good comic didn't even bother to check who was calling but just answered the call, rudely barking out "It's Kurosaki".

He got no reply from the other end which made him even more annoyed. His anger faded away in an instant when he heard a strangled sob.

"Hello", he said, his voice a little alarmed, "who is this?"

And then, finally, he got a response.

"Ichigo…" he heard a pained whisper. Ichigo immediately pained, sending a vary glance toward the kitchen, where Orihime was preparing tea for the both of them. Clenching his free hand he got up, strolling into his bedroom and pulling the door shut after him as the deep female voice on the phone spoke again.

"Ichigo… I want to see you."

"Rukia, why are you calling now, this late and all? It's not the best time now, Orihime's here and…" Ichigo bit his lip and nervously swallowed the rest of his sentence.

"I know and I'm sorry, I just wanted to hear your voice. I… I miss you."

"You shouldn't say such things", Ichigo countered, feeling his throat painfully tighten so it made him hard to speak.

Why could those simple words of hers make him so happy when he knew it was wrong?

"What about Renji", he asked hoarsely. "If he knew you were talking to me he'd get so mad. You should not take such a risk – "

"I'm willing to take that risk from all of my heart", she said earnestly, her voice so clearly laced with pain and longing.

"Rukia", he sighed, not realizing that his own voice mirrored perfectly her feelings.

He heard another sob and it was like a stab to his heart.

"Rukia", he pleaded, "don't cry. Everything's alright."

"No it's not", she replied brokenly. "Nothing's alright."

Even though he didn't say anything to that, he agreed.

He heard a light knock on the door.

"Ichigo?"

He started at the sound of Orihime's voice, the heavy guilt immediately washing over him.

"The tea's ready", she happily announced.

"I'll be right over", he managed to croak. "I'm on the phone."

"I'll be waiting."

The sound of her footsteps faded out.

"I want to see you", repeated the female voice on the phone, thick of all her crying.

Conflicting feelings fought in Ichigo's heart. He also wanted to see her. No, he needed to see her. He needed to see her so bad… And yet at the same time he knew he couldn't. The mere sight of her would be enough to break all his self-control.

"I… I can't", he said slowly, hating the words as they rolled off his tongue.

And then he felt a slight tinge of thread as he felt a voice from the background.

"Rukia? Who is it? Why're you crying?"

Rukia could not answer. Her sobbing was now uncontrollable.

Realization dawned ion Renji's eyes and with one swift movement he snapped the phone out of Rukia's hands.

"It's you Ichigo, isn't it", his furious and accusing tone roared into the phone a moment later.

Ichigo said nothing. His heart clenched as he heard Rukia's broken sob from the background and then her weak resistance: "No, Renji, don't…"

"You fucking bastard", Renji spat into the phone. "Mind your own girlfriend and keep your hands off of mine"

And with that Renji hung up on him.

Sighing Ichigo fell onto his bed, covering his face with his hands. He felt guilty, he felt angry, he felt desperate but most of all…

He felt longing so deep that it was impossible to will it to a stop.

* * *

Rukia wrapped the jacket tighter around her to protect her from the cold wind. She quickly stepped into the closest shop, just to be indoors. She found herself in a little bookstore. Sighing she leaned against a tall shelf.

She had just had lunch with Inoue Orihime. It was an enormous strain on her, trying to keep a smiling face while talking to the blond girl. Orihime was attending the same university as Rukia. she did not know that Ichigo and Rukia had actually been dating in high school until Rukia's graduation, for she was two years older than Ichigo. They got into a fight about Rukia leaving elsewhere to study further.

Half an year ago Rukia had moved back to Tokyo, because of her boyfriend's job. She had transferred to Tokyo University, finding herself in the same class with Orihime. They then became friends.

Orihime had suggested a double date about two months ago where Ichigo and Rukia had met the for the first time in four years. It was only then when the both of them realized in a shock that neither of them had really moved on as they had assumed.

The conversation of earlier kept haunting her.

_"Rukia-san, is everything alright?"_

_"Yes, sure", she replied, forcing herself to smile."Why do you ask?"_

_"Because it seems to me that something's troubling you. For quite awhile you've had that strange look in your eyes… It's worrying me."_

_"I'm fine, Orihime-san. So please, don't worry about me."_

The situation was indeed messy and really uncomfortable to be in.

Renji had been on the same lecture in the university she had previously attended. Her papers had all been in disorder that day so she was one of the last ones to leave the lecture hall. In fact, back then he was the only one left besides her. They had talked for awhile and then went to have a cup of coffee together for it had been the last lecture of the day for both of them.

Even though she was comfortable with him she had always felt something missing. She did not know what that something was until she happened to meet Ichigo.

And realized that she was still in love with him.

But at the same time she was friends with his girlfriend involved with someone else. She even had followed Renji to Tokyo.

Renji, unlike Orihime, was fully aware of the past relationship of Ichigo and Rukia and therefore he was twice as concerned about the situation. He had sensed she was not yet fully over Ichigo.

Lost in her thoughts she reached for a book, then turned around slightly.

She dropped the book she had just picked up.

Her eyes wandered all over the familiar form. He was standing before the counter, obviously paying for whatever he was about to purchase, his back turned against her.

Rukia's hands flew up to cover her mouth as she took an involuntary step backwards, colliding with the bookshelf.

Her wince of pain reached Ichigo's ears and the man turned around, scowling.

Their eyes locked, blue against hazel.

All the sounds in the bookstore seemed to fade away. Silence wrapped around those too as they kept on staring at each other.

Ichigo started to step forwards, slowly walking up to her as if his body were moving on its own.

Finally he was standing before her, his hand gently cupping her cheek.

A tear escaped the corner of her eye as she trembled under his touch, sliding down, cold against his warm hand.

And then, unaware he had ever closed their distance his lips brushed against hers. The first tear was followed by several more as she answered the kiss, desperately clinging to him.

And then he stepped back and turned away. He couldn't bear to look her tear-stained face.

"We should not be doing this", he said quietly, in a broken voice.

She stood there, trembling and crying. His profile was blurred by her tears.

"We can't go on like this", she sobbed.

He involuntarily turned to look at her. His heart was aching when she was there, visibly hurt. His heart was aching when she was there, so close to him and yet he could do nothing about it.

"I do not want to betray them", she softly said, swallowing hard, trying to hold back her tears. "But I can't help the way I feel."

"I know", he replied. He watched her, not bothering to cover the longing in his eyes.

"I _need_ to be with you. Otherwise I can't take it."

"Please, Rukia. Think about Ren – "

"He's not you", she cried out, bursting in the tears again.

He let out a strangled groan as he pulled her close to his chest, running his hands soothingly down her back.

"I know how you feel", he whispered. "But what you said is true. We can't betray them. Please don't cry."

She sobbed, grabbing the collar of his coat, burying her face to his chest.

* * *

Orihime smiled at the two of them while Ichigo shifted uncomfortably by her side.

"What a coincidence to meet up here", she chirped, delighted to see her friend. "Mind if we join you?"

Rukia could not answer for she had frozen the moment her eyes had set on _him_. Renji had spotted him as well as he walked over to their direction, following the blond-haired girl. Renji's eyes narrowed and he wrapped possessively his arm around Rukia's shoulders.

And now they were there, sitting at the same table with them.

Orihime kept happily chatting when both Rukia and Ichigo seemed unusually quiet. Renji kept glancing the both of them suspiciously. However he could see nothing more than the pain in their eyes. For a moment he felt bad, seeing Rukia hurt so much. Then anger took over. It was all that Kurosaki's fault!

Orihime could feel the strange atmosphere. She had tried to ignore it, but couldn't. Something was off, she could tell. Rukia was quiet and staring at her food and seemed to avoid looking at Ichigo at all cost. Ichigo also was being quiet, and tended to glance at Rukia whenever he thought no one was looking. Orihime suddenly shivered.

Quite a while later Orihime and Renji were waiting outside. Rukia had needed to go to the bathroom and Ichigo was paying their bill.

"Ne, Renji-san?"

"Yes?"

"Did you… Did you feel weird back there", the girl hesitantly asked, biting down on her lip.

"I always feel weird when Ichigo and Rukia are in the same room", Renji confessed in a huff, avoiding Orihime's confused eyes. "I don't want to lose her to him."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you know", Renji wondered out loud, finally turning to look at her. "The two of them used to be a couple few years ago."

Orihime's eyes widened. Her grayish orbs flew to study Ichigo who was just stepping out the door. He seemed to be… pained. And a bit tired, somehow.

In silence they waited until Rukia finally came out. Exchanging a few words they parted, Rukia leaving to one direction with Renji, Ichigo heading to another with Orihime.

* * *

Ichigo's phone went off. He frowned and picked it up.

"Hello, Ichigo speaking."

"Ichigo..."

Ichigo started. Why did Rukia always have to call when Orihime was over at his house?

"What is it?"

"I'm standing behind your door right now."

"You're _what_? Are you out of your mind?"

"Yes, I think I am", she replied, sounding completely serious. "If you don't come to see me now, I'll knock on your door."

"You can't do that", Ichigo argued, his voice desperate. "You can't – "

"I really need to see you."

With that she hung up.

Ichigo stared at the phone for awhile, then jumped to his feet.

"What's going on?" Orihime asked, clueless.

"Keigo being more of an idiot than usually", he grumbled, coming quickly up with the lie. I need to go to pound some sense into him before he'll get his ass kicked."

"Don't be out late for too long", she said, watching as his back disappeared out of her sight. For some reason she could not suppress the odd restlessness inside her.

He yanked the door open and she stood there, true to her word.

"Take a walk with me", she said, a pleading look in her eyes. Ichigo knew he couldn't refuse.

They walked in silence, shivering in the cold autumn wind. They came across to a park and sat down onto an empty bench.  
"I've done some thinking", she began. "And the longer I'll be forced to go on like this the more unbearable it'll get. Ultimately I'd reach a breaking point… I'd either collapse completely or then I'd stopped caringa and give into my heart's desire."

She paused, looking at him.

"And I know this same applies to you. Sooner or later we reach a point where we either completely collapse or end up cheating on them."

"Rukia…"

"I'm going to break it off with Renji."

"Rukia! You can't do that to him!"

"Either I break up with him or then decide to never see you again", she cried out, trembling as she threw all caution to wind and threw herself into his arms.

"I couldn't bear never seeing you again", she whispered, her voice cracking a bit. "So it's the only way…"

Ichigo said nothing. He wound his arms around her lithe body and pressed her close. He was holding her so tightly that it hurt – but she did not care.

And then they heard something that made the both of them freeze in fear.

"OY!"

The scrambled apart from each other and stared in horror at the figure closing in on them.

It was Renji. He had clearly been going home from work when he had happened to see something he had not wished to see.

His woman in Ichigo's arms.

"What the fuck is your problem", he yelled. He strode straight over to Ichigo and grabbed his collar, easily lifting him up from the bench.

"Didn't I tell you to keep your hands off my girl?"

Ichigo avoided his eyes, staying silent.

Then he looked up.

"And what if I refuse?"

Rukia gasped as Renji's punch hit Ichigo square in the jaw. He stumbled backwards, falling back onto the bench. He raised his hand to fleetingly touch his now sore jaw. Then his eyes angrily flashed and he launched in an attack.

Both of them were good fighters, but Renji who had more experience was having the upper hand. Rukia could but stare in shock and horror as the two viciously fought over her. It was as if some higher powers were forbidding her to move. She was paralyzed.

Renji landed a nasty kick to Ichigo's stomach and he doubled over in pain, falling to his knees. He was breathing heavily. Renji sneered victoriously and raised his hand to one final punch hat would settle the whole match.

Something snapped inside of Rukia and she leaped to her feet, running to the two fighting men. She launched herself at Renji, clinging tightly to his arm, stopping him from delivering his blow.

"Rukia", he coldly said, "get off."

"No", she said defiantly. "I won't let you hurt him."

The words struck Renji harder than any blow Ichigo had dealt him earlier.

His arm limply fell down.

"Fine", he spat out hoarsely. He unclasped Rukia's fingers from his arms and turned to leave.

"Do whatever you wish", he said, his voice cracking a bit at the end.

Rukia stared at his back as move walked away, then she fell down on her knees.

"Ichigo, are you alright", she asked worriedly, her fingers gently brushing over every injury.

"I'm fine", he whispered. Then he pulled her close and claimed her lips in a hasty kiss.

As Rukia helped him to stand up, he sighed in defeat.

"You were right about it all", he admitted, leaning slightly on her. "There is only one solution."

He swallowed, preparing himself to speak out the following words.

"Let's go to talk to Orihime."

* * *

She was still at his apartment when they got there. She stood in the doorway, looking at the both of them, surprised.

"Ichigo..? Rukia? What is it? Why do you look so grim?"

It was then when she spotted the bruise on Ichigo's jaw.

"Oh my! What happened?"

"Renji and I had a fight", Ichigo said after awhile.

Orihime's eyes widened.

As she saw Rukia's small hand swallowed by his, she finally realized what was going on.

Ichigo's eyes were stern as he looked in to her grey ones. Then he bowed his head.

"Forgive me."

Orihime clasped the front of her shirt, her paled hand shaking. Tears welled into her eyes as she watched how closely the two of them were standing. She couldn't take it anymore, watching them together like that. She turned her back to them, tears starting to slide down her cheeks.

"I'm really sorry", said Rukia's voice softly, gently. "I didn't want it to come to this. I tried to first ignore my feelings then suppress them but neither worked. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me."

There was a lump in Orihime's throat.

"I need to go", she whispered, then ran away into the night.

She ran blindly, barely seeing anything through her tears. When she got back home she collapsed against the door. Shaking and trembling, unable to hold her tears.

Rukia and Ichigo stood on the threshold, watching after Orihime. They both felt guilty despite knowing that this had been the only option. This hurt her far less than cheating on her would have.

Ichigo glanced at Rukia and then slowly, hesitantly wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Rukia leaned into his touch and for awhile they stayed like that, just enjoying each other's presence. Then Rukia shivered of the cold and Ichigo guided her in, closing the door after him.

**The End.**


End file.
